Burnette’s pink lemonade vodka was my drug of choice.
Escaping is exhilarating…
So we run.
The first time I got drunk I experienced feeling accepted for the first time in a long time.
Things got really hard when I started middle school.
Everybody hated me and I could never figure out why.
Constantly seeking out “imperfections” to correct so people would just be nice to me.
Alcohol and drugs filled that void when I couldn’t fill it myself.
So I chased it.
Associating my behavior with “just being a teenager”.
Normal teenagers don’t get DUI’s or spend months of their senior year in treatment though…
The emotional freedom I experienced while under the influence quickly developed into a need.
I needed to be accepted.
I couldn’t take another day, another minute, of this life in full strength.
It was miserable.
“Running” became an obsession.
The deep seeded need to feel loved and accepted would eventually lead me to drugs and just about anything I could get my hands on.
Marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy.
All were used regularly by the age of 16.
I always told myself that meth and heroin were where I’d draw the line because they were “crackhead drugs”.
While I never tried either of them, I’m sure if the opportunity would have ever presented itself, I would have snagged it in an instant.
The escape was worth any consequence at that time.
I remember an instance when I couldn’t get anything but was so desperate to be numb that I attempted getting high by smoking oregano.
In case you were wondering, it didn’t work.
Today I’m happily clean and sober!
Read more on how I got here by clicking the link below ⬇️❤️😊❤️⬇️
Today I’m left only with the debris of my bad choices.
My PTSD is through the roof.
Traumatized by the person that I used to be.
What could I have done differently to avoid all of this?
Operating properly today because of preference.
I prefer calm.
I prefer safe.
But I can’t say that the “safety net” I have today applied to my 14 year old self.
I didn’t feel safe then.
Middle and high school were a living hell for me.
Every day waking up with a pit in my stomach knowing I’d have to deal with people and the evil that they threw at me.
That pain was only temporary and I am safe now.
While it may have seemed like too long to hang on at times… I survived.
I don’t think I would enjoy life the way I do today if I hadn’t been through what I’ve been through.
If you’re running on empty right now because of bullying or addiction,
Please take the following letter to heart.
…This could be you too.❤️
Dear 14 year old self-
Things will be okay.
They are going to get worse before they get better.
A lot worse.
Remember that you control how this story ends.
Never rely on other people for happiness.
Learn to love yourself and one day you will have the world in your hands.
A beautiful family.
A husband who loves you.
Invaluable knowledge and strength.
A story that could potentially change lives.
This situation is temporary.
Don’t fight it!
Embrace it to the best of your ability.
Know that it’s worth the wait.
The ones who are ripping you to shreds will go through their own loneliness while you prosper.
Pray for them.
One day you may even help them.
Two wrongs never make a right.
Be the energy you would like to attract even in the times you aren’t seeing results.
God won’t ever give you more than you can handle.
These years are a “boot camp” for the path you will lead someday.
As terrible as this very moment feels right now, it will all be worth it.
Your adversity is God’s opportunity 🌪🌪🌪🌈
The harder the training, the greater the “role” in God’s plan.
Unfortunately for now, you’ll have to wait it out.
Don’t give up.
There is a Man upstairs watching over you.
I love you.
Hang in there❤️
What is God training YOU for?!
Channel your adversity❤️
Follow my blog for more! 😊❤️😊
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See you soon 😊❤️😊