On a daily basis I land myself in situations that I don’t necessarily want to be in.
Because I don’t know how to just freaking say “NO!“
I’m an interesting character.
Anxious, goofy, and don’t forget that lovely “resting bitch face”… 😐
But no matter how “odd” or “different” I may be at first glance, deep down I am one of the kindest people you will ever meet.
I’m an empath.
If you ask me it’s a double edged sword.
While I love being able to offer compassion to those in need, sometimes it can be hard keeping myself afloat when I’m constantly drowning in everyone else’s emotions…
As an empath I feel with people.
Some days I feel solely responsible for ensuring happiness in what feels like all of the world.
It’s not a duty that I was assigned but rather one I must accomplish for my own emotional well-being.
How does this play into everyday life?
In many ways, but today I’m addressing one in particular.
Difficulty saying “no”
Empathic personality or not, I think many of us can agree that saying “no” can be challenging at times.
I just recently learned that apparently, you don’t have to give people a reason of why you can’t do something…?
This realization won’t be changing anything over here though…
As refreshing as that seems, it’s not really my style.
I’m more of the, agree to do something because I don’t have balls to be honest then send myself into an anxious frenzy dreading whatever I just signed up for, type of person. 🙄
A couple weeks ago I was getting ready to prepare dinner when the doorbell rang.
Peeking out the window, spotting a woman who appeared to be around my age with a little boy.
My enthusiastic five year old selling us out from pretending to not be home.
It turned out to be our across the street neighbors who we had never met before.
The little boy was going to be starting kindergarten at the same school as Karissa (my daughter) this year.
How crazy that we had no clue about each other until just now!
As excited as I was about all of this the timing couldn’t have been worse.
I’d been talking myself off the ledge all day as my anxiety had been through the roof.
Also in the process of scaling back on an anti-depressant that was causing me to sweat excessively (… TMI sorry! But I have a point I promise!!)
It had been one thing after another that day and I was one wind away from completely losing it.
To make matters even worse I didn’t have a bra on.
My sweet neighbors unaware of when is a good or a bad time for me unless I of course would just verbalize that, right…?
Just not for ‘Miss unable to express how I really feel’…
“Do you guys want to come in?”
There I sat bra-less and awkwardly dripping sweat on the couch…
When I’m awkward, I’m really awkward.
Instead of clamming up I start “word-vomiting” to this stranger about every and anything.
I don’t know how long we sat there but it felt like nine days.
The finale was Karissa slamming her finger in the door while they were playing.
She was screaming at the top of her lungs for at least five minutes while we continued visiting with our guests….
Eventually we exchanged numbers and tentatively planned a play date for a couple days later.
‘Man why am I so weird…? 😣’
Spray painting myself with embarrassment and shame.
Internally fighting on how to handle this “situation” if we did in fact, confirm this play date.
She was so nice and the kids had totally hit it off…
The empath in me told myself to just, ‘be a good neighbor and mom’.
But my anxiety is selfish.
Every time I tried reasoning with myself my pulse would soar, skyrocketing until I was so freaked out I continued brainstorming my escape plan again.
The morning of our plans I woke up to a text from her.
The plans were no longer tentative.
A panic attack draped over me as I impulsively began typing…
Stopping myself to focus on slowing my heart rate as a tear fell down my cheek.
My first impression was an absolute train wreck…
This girl was cool, pretty and sweet…
There was no way that I could show my face right now, especially with my meds so out of whack.
What if I started sweating again… or rambling AGAIN.
I’d already told this poor woman my entire life story while pouring with sweat and bra-less…
Everything about this situation sucked.
The stress of it all was too much.
I sent the screenshot to my husband as I began venting my frustration:
I had no one to be angry at but myself.
Simply saying “no” could have avoided this situation entirely.
He was right…
but I can’t say “no”… remember?!
So I prayed about it and eventually, this is what I wrote….:
Oh my gosh I was actually honest…😳
The moment I hit ‘send’ on that text I felt like 80 pounds was instantly lifted off my back.
It was the strangest thing.
I was honest….and nobody died.
HER RESPONSE! 😍❤️:
This simple display of honesty strengthened our friendship in such a special way:
This experience taught me so much!
If you struggle with saying “no”, like I do, I encourage you to give this a try.
Honesty is in fact, the best policy.
Thank you Lord, for teaching me things. ❤️
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